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So disclaimer: this didn't happen today but a couple of weekends ago and its quite a long story because its my whole weekend in prague which i guess was all just a big fuck up so thank you if you stick with this and read it all the way through. scroll to the bottom for a tl;dr let me tell you what happened during my weekend in prague. our journey begins with a 6 hour train ride from budapest to prague. leaving budapest at 5:40 and arriving in prague at midnight. and so the first two hours of the train ride were alright. i was dozing in and out of sleep cuz i was still battling jet lag and every time we were at a stop i was nervous someone was going to ask me to move seats. there's reserved seating but the ticket i bought didn't come with it. anyways we get to slovakia and these 6 slovakians, 3 couples, sit in the same table as me. it's two seats facing each other with like a skinny table in the middle. same across the isle. so they have these seats reserved and i'm just sitting watching waiting to see if they ask me to move or not, but they dont. in fact they're super nice! they see me watching and stuff and they start offering me food and snacks. and i was like no it's okay thank you. but then they whip out this bottle of what i assumed was alcohol cuz they had little shot glasses with them and they offered some of that to me. and i mean when you're offered free alcohol on a train you take it. haha. so i sheepishly nodded my head and accepted. and then i smelt it and was like 'palinka? ' (if you don't know, palinka's like the common village moonshine. all the families out in the countryside make this to use up their excess fruits and it's the primary liquor i've been drinking out here). and so i took it straight. they offered me chase and everything too and i was like no no its okay. AND THEY WERE SO IMPRESSED HAHAHA. there was a 20 year old with them too and he was chasing it and then they started roasting him calling him small but he was clearly taller than me. lmao. anyways instantly we're friends. we keep taking shots of this stuff and when we ran out they even went to buy beer and sandwiches for all of us to share! so the second half of the train ride was great! i got drunk for free! made some slovakian friends. learned how to say cheers in slovakian and even got one new facebook friend. lmao so we get to our stop and we all get off the train. we hug and say bye and thus begins my journey to find the hostel. also turns out my data doesn't work in prague. idk why. so it's a good thing i had the hostel location saved on my phone, so i just used maps and walked towards that. and so my thinking was i'm gonna check in and then maybe get some food and then call it a night. but when i get to the hostel i rang the doorbell but nobody answered. and i waited for awhile but nothing. so i was like okay that's fine. they did say check in was from a certain time but i did tell them i was coming in late so idk. i'll go get some wifi somewhere and see if i can contact them. anyways i didn't really know where i was going but i walk into a random bar and i didn't want to be rude so i ordered a beer and then asked them for wifi. turns out they didn't have wifi so i ask him if knows anywhere that has wifi and he doesn't know and well fuck okay. so i'm there with like a beer i don't really want, wifi less, and hostel less. i'm like okay next best thing. i ask the bartender if he knows where i can get some food at this hour. a lot of things were closed when i was walking there so iono. but he knows a place so he sends me to this pizza joint. and just to check i ask them if they have wifi and they dont. so i'm like fuck it. i haven't had a real dinner yet. all i had was the sandwich from the slovakians. i'll buy a slice of pizza and enjoy it. so i'm there sitting alone at this small whole in the wall place with not much to do and this couple walks in and gets some pizza and sit down next to me. and i try to start conversation. lol. and at first they are hesitant but you know i got them talking and it's like the guy is from prague and the girl is from switzerland or something and the guy goes on trips to san francisco or something. and i was pretty drunk so i was just like bestowing random ass advice like oh man y'all should cherish each other and trust and value your time together and at the end of it i was like man look at us now. at first y'all didn't want to talk but i wasn't that weird, huh. anyways i had finished my pizza slice and saved a relationship, so i left and walked back the way i came. for some reason, i couldn't find the hostel and it didn't click to me that i could use my phone without data. and i was in a pretty good mood after having those pretty good encounters so i was like fuck it. if i can't sleep, imma go to a club. and so it's a five story club with like different themes on each floor. you'd think it'd be cool but it was just doing too much and seemed tacky and it wasn't too packed. and also! at the bottom floor it's an ice theme? like it's colder in there. but you have to pay more for it. idk i didn't quite understand. anyways i'm in this club exploring each floor with like a fuck it type of mood and i enter the robot floor. and like it's completely empty and i'm like wth is this. and it's a floor literally dedicated to two robot arms that make your drink! so i'm like fuck it! let's try it. and it was kinda whatever. i took a video but at the time i was like wow this is so lame this is great. anyways i do some dancing, i get down. it's cool. i had fun. haha but it started to clear out and i'm like alright i'm done with this. i'll leave and try to find the hostel again. but across the street is what i thought was a strip club. and i'm like well sure i'm here i don't really got anything else to do. and i've never been before so fuck ittttt let's go. so i go inside and i get a drink. oh and i ask them if they have wifi. and no they dont. anyways this bartender for some reason makes me two. but i'm like whatever that's fine i'll drink em and i go take a seat and sip my drinks. and so there's a girl dancing on the stage but afterwards she walks by to all the tables and she's like 'want to have sex? ' and im shook like OH MY GOD. WHAT DID I GET MYSELF INTO. THIS AINT A STRIP CLUB, ITS A BROTHEL. and i was trying to think if it was legal and regulated in prague or not. cuz some of the girls were sooooo beautiful. and like i haven't fucked in awhile so i was like it could happen. i could be down. LMAO. but i was like nah i can pull. i'll be fine. so i left. and so we resume the search for the hostel, no wifi, no direction. i just walk. and like i get to this big street a street i haven't been on before and i'm like this is fine. i'll just explore. so im walking and this part is kind of foggy for me. i don't quite know what exactly happened but as i'm walking i somehow end up walking with this girl and like i think but i'm not sure she asked if we could walk together and that's how it happened. but anyways i had no where to go so i was like sure. and so we're walking making good conversation and having a good time. and then she goes 'oh this is my turn here'. and i'm like 'oh fasho'. and well i try to hint at her i didn't have a place to stay but she didn't get the message. anyways what i thought i remembered was the she sent me a friend request on facebook. but like i think her phone was dead and i didn't have signal so that wasn't possible. but like that's important because the next morning when i woke up and was with david telling him the story i checked fb and there was no friend request and i was hella butt hurt by it and i couldn't remember a thing about her so i was started to second guess myself if this actually happened or not. BUT I FOUND PROOF IN THE FORM OF A IPHONE NOTE THAT SHE WAS REAL AND THIS AFTUALLY HAPPENED THE FOLLOWING MONDAY. lolol. i had gotten her name and the city she was from written down. yeah so we part ways and i continue the same direction i was headed and low and behold i stumble upon an oasis! known to some as KFC. and so i'm like they have to have wifi. and so i go in and before i ask for wifi and order chicken li'm like hm i'll use the bathroom first so i go there only to find that i need a pin on the receipt. well lucky for me these two good spirited 16 year olds saved me a trip back to the cash register cuz they saw me try to use it and gave me the pin. and my drunk ass thought this was the nicest thing they could do for me so i bought a bucket of chicken wings and fries and bring it to their table for us to share. one of them was down for it but the other one was probably like why is this weird asian dude sitting at our table and trying to give us food. anyways the dude that was into it kept getting up and talking to other friends so it was me and the dude that wasn't too into it. and i'm over here trying to make small talk and see if i can get to use his phone. it was a struggle but reluctantly he let me use his phone and so i got a general sense of where the hostel was. somewhere near the river. and so again i'm off! i eventually hit the water but i'm like fuck. when i'm there idk whether to go up stream or down and like the hostel wasn't exactly by the water it was a block in so i didn't quite know where to turn in. but i'm just walking along this river. i'm starting to get shin splints now. like i've been walking all night. it's 7, 7:30am. i see the club i was at and the strip club across the street. the suns about to come up. my moral is low. i'm starting to give up thinking i'll just sleep on a bench it'll be okay. but as i sit down. i see movement inside a shop. these two workers were either opening up or closing the shop and good thing the door was unlocked because i bust in and go 'do you have wifi? ' and at first they were like 'oh sorry were closed' and i rebuttal 'sorry i just really need wifi' and they have it! and they give it to me. and i finally have directions on how to get to the hostel. and i get there and i look at the door bell and IT FUCKING TURNS OUT THERE WERE MORE BUTTONS THAN JUST THE ONE I WAS RINGING PREVIOUSLY AND THERES ONE THAT HAS THE HOSTEL NAME CLEARLY WRITTEN ON IT AND I GUESS I JUST DIDNT SEE IT WHEN I WAS FIRST THERE anyways that's my first night in prague. i get into the hostel a lovely hostel. so clean. the facilities. the bed was super comfortable. the staff was friendly 10/10 would recommend. [shameless plug: roadhouse hostel] and so i sleep for four hours til noon cuz that's when check out is. i shower and then i head to david's (my friend in prague). and with david i give him a recap of the night and all the events that occurred. and then we go get some typical czech food for lunch and then we walk to town from his place and checkout a couple christmas markets. drank some mulled wine. took some pictures. ate a kielbasa. it was nice. and so after the touristy stuff was out of the way, it's around 4 pm we go back to his place and take a nap. and like we plan to only sleep for a couple of hours so david sets one for 7:30 BUT I DONT HEAR SHIT AND I WAKE UP AT 9 PM. LIKE LITERALLY 5 HOURS. lmao anyways we get dinner. some goooood garlic soup and schnitzel and some beers and some palinka. he doesn't like palinka too much. but anyways we finish by 11 and go to buy a bottle of whiskey to predrink. and to my surprise we talk and we drink and we finish the whole bottle of whiskey. it's 1:30 at this point and now it's time to party so we decide to head to the club and so we get to the club. and like i didn't even realize the club was downstairs until the next morning when we returned. all of my memories and stuff were all jumbled. i thought there was a coat check when there clearly wasn't. but anyways it's a good time. we're dancing. we're doing our own thing. david checks his bank statement the next day and he says he bought drinks 9 times from the club. NINE TIMES. that's ridiculous. anyways so some of this i don't remember too well but at some point, i end up being thrown out of the club by the bouncers and i didn't have my jacket or my scarf because i left them on a table and i still can't pinpoint where my wallet went but i don't think it was in my pocket. and because all of those things were still in the club (i'm guessing with my wallet, they grabbed me as i was buying a drink so i guess it dropped from my hands or something). anways i try to throw them off me and i guess i was successful because they jump on my again and one of them starts to punch me in the face. i can clearly remember his fist coming into my cheek. and i think at some point i get pepper sprayed too. and so pepper spray burns so fucking bad. like it's literally spicy like the spicy noodle challenge but that shit was in my eyes on my face in my throat in my nose. like i was thrown out and i couldn't stay in one place because it burned so much. i was pacing up and down the street yelling and screaming looking like a straight up psycho. i'm only in a t shirt too. it must've been such a sight. and like i can barely breath because the stuff is in my mouth and nose and i go to like random people outside at bars and i'm crying snot running down my face and i'm asking if they can get me some water cuz i can't breath. man i thought i literally was going to die. but like so the breathing thing subsided and but it's still burning. everything. but i'm more cognoscente (not sure how that's spelled lmao). and so i use my phone maps and i have the hostel saved so i walk in that direction (idk why i didn't do that the first night) but i get there face still hot as fuck. i'm super squinty cuz one it burns and two i think when i got thrown out my glasses got knocked off. so bitch i'm blind. and like fuck. anyways i ring the bell cuz i know which one it is this time and someone asks 'are you checking in? ' and i'm like oh fuck i don't have a reservation but i was like 'no i stayed there last night and i really need help can i come in' and so what a gent. they let me in. i still have a bracelet from the first night so i think that was helpful. and i'm sitting there face still burning i help myself to some water and i'm explainginnmy whole ass situation to the guy. i don't have anything on me. just my phone i guess. and i message david to let him know where i was and that i'm ready to go home whenever. my face is still hot so i think taking a shower would help. and so i ask the guy if i can and he's such a sweetheart. ugh. all of the staff are. he approves it. but BIG MISTAKE. you know how you eat spicy stuff and you drink water and it spreads? well fucking pepper spray is the same. i think i eventually had gotten it out of my eyes but when i went to wash my face in cold water. it spread like wild fire again. it got in my eyes and just my face started to burn. it ran down to my shoulders and went to my balls. it was excruciating. so i come out of the shower and let him know it was a bad idea. and it was so painful i have to like scream. but i muffle my screams in the towel. and like all of this is still happening in front of the dude and so man i must've been a mess but he was super chill. he took it all in. his shift was coming to an end and he introduced me to his coworker. they said i could stay as long as i want. and i told my whole story to her too. what a time. anyways david eventually gets back to me at like 8 am and was like let's go back home. and i'm like yeah okay that sounds good. i cal an uber and i get there around 8:40. THIS MOTHERFUCKER TAKES PHBLIC TRANSPORTSTION AND GETS ON THE WRONG TRAIN TWICE. the fools doesn't get home til 10. and so i'm lucky there were people leaving his apartment complex so i can get in. remember i'm still in just a t shirt. and so i'm sitting in front of his door and i'm able to connect to wifi and so i'm messaging him but his talking gibberish and so whatever i sat in front of his door watching netflix waiting for him to get back. and so this fool finally gets back and i've had a hell of a night i just want to sleep. i think i cancel my cards and then i call it a night. we finally rise again at 2 and i tell him my whole story and we go back to the club but they say they haven't seen anything. my jacket, my wallet, my scarf. whatever. we have some lunch at this random place. david spots me. of course. and then we go to the police station to report lost goods and assault. and man. we were there for 3 whole hours just waiting. just chilling i guess. we both needed to relax so it was fine. lol and one of his friends even came! and she waited an hour at the police station while we were inside giving the testimony or whatever. anyways we get out and it's dark and we go to a less popular christmas market but it's still so very nice. i think it's a lot more beautiful than budapest's. anyways we have some mulled wine and just chit chat and then we get dinner. and have a few beers. and called it a night by 11. i slept for like 2 hours and just couldn't sleep. not sure why. maybe i felt bad idk. but then i watched lalaland til i had to go to the airport at 5. and i guess that concludes my weekend in prague:) and if you're wondering, i enjoyed lalaland:) and prague. tl;dr first night in prague, i wandered aimlessly looking for my hostel, accidentally stumbled upon a brothel, and met many many strangers, even bought some a bucket of fried chicken. second night in prague, i got thrown out of a club, punched, pepper sprayed, and lost all my money, cards, wallet, jacket, scarf, AND GLASSES.
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